I believe I had a word from the Lord this morning in church--a word set against the backdrop of two things: (1. ) Karen's admonition to go through our present discernment process with gratitude and open-mindedness; (2.) thinking about Jordan and my temptation to devalue his life because of his intense need and lack of productivity and reading yesterday about a book dealing with the value of spending time with the disabled (Becoming Friends of Time: Disability, Time-fullness, and Gentle Discipleship). This addresses deep-seated notions of intrinsic value and productivity that are too fully formed in me by society and culture and are antithetical to kingdom of God thinking.
While waiting for the church service to begin, I chatted with Nancy, an energetic retiree who is heavily involved in ministry at COTC. Our conversation primed the pump of my heart and mind to hear the Divine One point out an area of ingratitude in my life. As I am wont to do, I thought with disappointment about the lack of an intergenerational congregation at the historic campus, voiced this thought to Nancy, and asked her if volunteers from the historic campus ever interacted with those from the Cross Church campus (wondering if these two campuses ever acted as one). She replied that folks at CC didn't have the time to be involved in ministry like the older people do (with jobs, family concerns, etc.), so often did not cross paths with the historic campus volunteers in ministry endeavors, but the CC folks were recipients of the ministry of the older generation through avenues such as the Stephen Ministry. That seed worked its way into the soil of my heart as I sat through the service surrounded by septuagenarians and octogenarians. I realized that I held almost prejudicial thoughts deep down in the core of my soul for the elderly. Maybe I haven't met enough elderly people whose minds were still active and growing and who showed real concern for living out a vibrant faith. I also fail to remember that the end of this life isn't the end of learning and growing. The end of life stage is not a time of diminished value. Thus, when I wonder about the significance of Carl teaching church history to this bunch, I must remember that these saints, though they may not have many years and opportunities ahead to share what they are learning (that's "productivity"), are on a pilgrimage that will continue into eternity. Their desire to learn is evidence of their vitality of mind and full engagement with life. This is instructive to my soul.
I think, also, that being surrounded by the elderly is a poignant reminder of my own aging process, a process that I want to defy and forget. Today, as I looked at those heads, I confessed my dismissal of these people and thanked God for their presence and teaching in my life. This may not be my "ideal" church, brimming with young families, but it is the will of God for me in this moment. And it is a holy and precious place, filled with folks whose years have overflowed with joy and fruitfulness, as well as sorrow, bondage, and loss. They may use canes and battle illness and bereavement, but they have much to teach me. These people have not lost their value, even their usefulness, in God's economy. They remind me of the way of all flesh and the beauty and grace that is present in all stages of life. I confess the dread and fear that the aging process often elicits in me, and I claim the power and grace of God to continue growing into God and offering his love to those around me, whatever that may look like. I choose to have gratitude for these gifts and the solemn, yet joyful, lessons they give.
This may seem like a small thing, but I believe that God put a finger on a place in me that needs adjustment. I want to see the COTC and its elderly band of brothers and sisters through a different lens. No more should I lament the spiritual family that God has provided for this time in my life. I don't want to miss the truth and love that they have to give me. Thanks be to God.
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