Jealous God

"May they rot in hell," I spat onto the cold tile of a hospital corridor as the social worker guided me to the exit. I had just turned from the slam of a heavy door as it shut out the terrified screams of a desperate four-year old. My foster son, a child who had in the past year clung to me, not with love, but with an animal instinct seeking survival, had degenerated into ungovernable behavior resulting in the need for intervention. His terror at being left alone in this strange, institutional place pulled from me a rage borne of love, a fierce primal force determined to protect, and resulted in words, the likes of which I had never uttered before, words that have caused me guilt in the intervening years. I wanted to hunt down and destroy the people responsible for so profoundly wounding this innocent child who, as the years progressed, I realized would never fully recover. How could I as a follower of the loving Christ even think this thought, let alone, say it aloud? Didn't Jesus command me to love my enemies?

This memory resurfaced as I listened to a sermon by Fr. Justin Howard (http://www.idachurch.com/sermons/2018/1/31/128-revealing-the-god-who-pursues) on our God being a jealous God, a God who would jealousy defend me, relentlessly pursue me, and violently rescue me. Thinking of the ferocity that I felt those many years ago for a child that was not yet my legal child, let alone a child of my own flesh, I begin to understand the desire and pursuit of God for me. Where else could these "Mama Bear" passions come from if not from the God who placed His image in me? If I could love so deeply and fight so passionately for my children, must not God be outrageously committed to me? Is the passion of God not seen even in the Christ who would unleash havoc in the Temple court of the Gentiles in response to religious leaders fouling the only part of the Temple that the nations could access? What else but his passionate, jealous love could bring him to the most violent act of history, the cross? So is there violent passion in the love of God? I think in some way, the answer has to be yes, not a violence that is retaliatory, vengeful, or political, but a "violent" passion that will do anything to love. This, too, is a mystery.

How I need to burrow into this, to let it seep deep inside me. If I indeed truly believe this, what fears could possibly overwhelm me? How could I not have utter confidence that all will be well, that my end is secure, that my life is deemed precious, even a treasure to the Divine One? Thanks be to God.