It may be that faithfulness to Christ will be my crowning achievement (maybe Carl's too).

How often we have longed to do something great and significant, become a change-agent in the world, "make the world a better place." Yet, at 55 years of age, the prospects of doing something great (or being married to someone who does something great) are getting pretty slim. It has now been a year since we have been decidedly in our most recent "crisis, battle, trial"--whatever you want to call it. Last year at just this time, Carl and his close colleagues came under direct attack from the powers at the university--beginning with the onslaught against Michael Pahl and his family. Since last June, this group of faithful scholars with their families has endured sortie after sortie. I am convinced that spiritual warfare like we cannot even imagine has been occurring over the town of Cedarville, OH. Of course, this is not unlike many times throughout history when people who claim to be followers of Christ have ravaged fellow believers, leaving a putrefying taste in the mouths of observers. (Who needs oppression from the world when God's people crucify God's people?) After a year in this hostile environment, some have seen prayers answered and are being released to seek ministry in other places. This is a joyous thing, but not without its sorrow. It is never easy to uproot and start over, and it is never easy to leave friends who have bonded through the power of suffering. So, as we had our final big get-together last evening with this amazing group of people, our hearts are happy for those who have found new places, but intensely sorrowful over the scattering to the four winds, as well as the plight of those of us who still have no clear direction for the future (especially those who it appears will have to "soldier on" for one more year at the university).

Which brings me back to my opening statement--My life with Carl seems to have been one struggle after another, not the least being the struggle against a suffocating brand of Christianity. By the leading of the Holy Spirit and the integrity of his soul, Carl could not serve another year at Cedarville University. This has obviously been a step of faith and obedience to Christ. It is a step with no guarantees of outcome. Will he find a place of fulfillment where he can use his gifts and experience to their fullest? Will he have future impact in the lives of students through his teaching? Will we have financial security? I do not know. The only thing that is in the sphere of my control is my response to God and life's circumstances. Will I trust God or fall into despair? Will I succumb to anger and bitterness or remain gracious and forgiving? Will I give way to anxiety and fear or maintain hope and joy? These are my choices. Whatever dreams of greatness that still may lurk in the corners of my mind may totally dissipate in the reality of daily life. There may be no great achievements in my life (or Carl's). That is in the hands of God.

So, if God wills it, with whatever time I have left on earth, may faithfulness to Christ be my crowning achievement.