Cliches

What do you do when push comes to shove? When you have to put your money where your mouth is? When the rubber meets the road?

I recently listened to Dallas Willard speaking about the Kingdom of God. He reminded his audience about the passage in the gospel of Matthew, chapter 6, in which Jesus admonishes his disciples to "seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness" and all other things will be added to them. Jesus clearly warns against putting trust in money and material possessions, a common human foible. In fact, Willard points out that trusting in money is a problem even for people who don't have any, or at least not enough. It is difficult to come to grips with the sayings of Jesus when the everyday needs of life seem in jeopardy. Seeking the kingdom of God and his righteousness can seem ethereal, nebulous, a luxury for someone who is struggling to make sense out of the cataclysms of life, but  Jesus clearly calls his followers to shift trust from the resources of the world to the resources of God. So how do I seek the kingdom of God and his righteousness? How do I shift my trust from the resources of this world, which I obviously need, to the unseen resources of God?

It's easy to listen to a sermon or give space to prayer regarding this idea of seeking God's Kingdom and depending on God to provide for all needs. It's more difficult to live it out, to put your money where your mouth is. Is a sermon about seeking God's Kingdom and not trusting in earthly resources just a pep talk, a mind game? Where is the reality, the power in the message? Can I give myself to that sermon, entering into the words of Jesus with faith and hope, jumping off the cliff, in effect, trusting that there will be a safety net at least for my soul? Willard contends that the person who is well off is the person who is alive and functioning in the Kingdom. What does this mean? How do I get there?

Matthew, chapter 6, comes on the heels of Jesus famed Sermon on the Mount. He is speaking to people who live on the margins of society economically, socially, politically. Most of them probably lived a day to day existence without access to the best food, health care, economic opportunities, or political connections, and whose survival could be threatened in an instant. Jesus does not offer them solutions to their earthly problems. Instead, he offers them identity and a Kingdom in which to live out that identity. Jesus proclaims how blessed are the poor, the meek, the merciful, the hungry, and goes on to tell his disciples, "You are the salt of the earth...You are the light of the world." Wow! Does this mean anything when push comes to shove, when I am feeling hungry and poor? Will I believe this, or would I rather have the security of earthly resources? Will I take seriously Christ's command to let my light shine? Will I allow the light of Christ to shine through me, rendering me the light of the world? Will I keep this in the realm of some esoteric or philosophical discussion, or can I have the courage and imagination to take this message as a way to move forward in my life? This is the great struggle, the place where the rubber meets the road.

These cliches might seem trite and silly, but they are where I am living right now. The ball is in my court. I can listen to the revelation of the Divine Trinity from the love of the Father through the words of the Son and the illumination of the Holy Spirit, or I can choose the logical, rational way of the world and scramble through my own efforts for the resources I need to survive and thrive. God's Kingdom is an upside down Kingdom, a Kingdom of paradox. "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." When my influence is diminished and my security is threatened, I still have an identity--I am the salt of the earth, the light of the world. I can live today in that identity, seeing God's light all around me and letting that light shine through me.

Truthfully, if I can't live out this Kingdom way of living, the gospel I claim to believe has no power for the suffering masses of the earth. I have no message for refugees languishing in camps or struggling through arduous and dangerous journeys to reach safety. I have no message for girls held in sex trafficking, their souls and bodies ravaged. I have no message for those who suffer hunger and thirst, who fear for their lives amidst the violence of their neighborhoods. I have no message for those in cancer wards or at grave sites or in unemployment lines. If I cannot live this message when it demands my total attention, then I have no message to bring to the world, no light to shine in the darkness.

Money and possessions aren't the problem. It is how I perceive money and possessions and where my trust is placed. Inasmuch as my life is focused on securing material resources to the detriment of living a Kingdom life, I forfeit my influence in the Kingdom, forfeit the brightness of my light in the world. This might be hard to parse out in the nitty gritty, but my effectiveness and joy in the Kingdom of God depends on it.

This too is the Kingdom of God.

I blessed a dog today
on my solitary walk.
His owner said, "He's getting old.
He's twelve."
I touched that thin face
with the long nose
and the flowing white hair.
I looked into those kind, honest eyes.
I breathed a blessing,
"God grant you strength
and a long life."
The owner was pleased,
and I walked away with a smile on my face,
the feel of that doggie flesh lingering on my palm,
and a peace and settledness in my soul.
So who blessed who?
This too is the Kingdom of God.

Pleasant Places

My son prayed for me today, over the phone, from 2,000 miles away. The words he used as

he petitioned God for me were no coincidence. He prayed for my comfort, direction, healing,

and that God would provide me a “pleasant place.” How did he know?

It was 2007 and after several years in difficult jobs and difficult family situations, we were in

the process of relocating to a different state. My husband, Carl, wanted to find a house in close proximity to his new job because he had spent several years with a long commute.

This limited our choice of houses as there were not many for sale that were within a radius

of a few miles of his new place of employment, in our price range, and would accommodate

the needs of our family. Additionally, we were under a time constraint with just a few days

allocated in our schedule in which to find a home. We had made the trip from Florida to Ohio

for the purpose of purchasing a home but had to return to finish out the school year at our

current places of employment. We looked at all of the available properties within a couple of

days, none of which were satisfactory for one reason or another. We had almost given up

hope of finding a house before we had to return to Florida to complete our contracts and

pack up our belongings. 

There was one more property that Carl had seen online but that was significantly out of our

 price range. After conferring with our realtor, who happened to be the listing agent for that

property, we decided to look at the home. From the moment we drove up the long lane

leading to the house, I knew this was a property that I could only dream of owning. When

we walked in the front door, it was as if I had come home. I walked through room after

room in amazement. It had multiple bedrooms (plenty to accommodate my children,

as well as, guests), rich woodwork throughout, a small front porch, a large back porch,

high ceilings, unique features, windows beyond number, and plenty of space outside with

wide lawns and borders of trees. It breathtakingly suited my heart's desires. The price,

however, was $40,000 out of our range. 

What unfolded was beyond my imagination. The folks who had built the house on this four

acre piece of property were in financial difficulty and had been trying to sell the home for

six years off and on. I believe they experienced a great deal of conflict in their decision to

sell because their hearts and souls were in that place. They had not been willing to

negotiate on their price with previous prospective buyers. Evidently, they were pleased to

think that a couple in Christian ministry who had adopted three children wanted to buy their
home. Unbelievably, they lowered their price by that $40,000 margin so that we could
purchase the property. We not only had a home close to Carl's work with space for our
family's unique needs, but also one which satisfied the aesthetic dreams of my heart.

I distinctly remember the day that I drove up that lane again, this time as the homeowner. It

was with profound gratitude and a little bit of awe. I can still hear the crunch of the tires on

gravel and feel the rush of pleasure as I neared the house knowing that I would be its

denizen. And I remember the voice of God in my ear saying, "This is my gift to you for a

little while. You will not be here forever." It was a deep knowledge that made each day

precious, days in which I took nothing for granted. And that home became a haven, not

just for our family, but for many others, as well. It was a place of welcome, comfort, and

peace. There was something spiritual about it, a holy place. Words from Psalm 16,

verse 6, became the descriptor of this sanctuary. “The boundary lines have fallen for me in

pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.” In fact, I had hoped to have a

sign one day to put at the end of the lane inscribed with the words, “Pleasant Place,” a

name for this heart home. 

True to God’s word spoken clearly to my inner ear, the gift of that home was not forever.

In fact, in only six short years it was time to pass it on to someone else, not without a

flood of tears. Indeed, what transpired in 2013 was the beginning of a journey of sorrow

and loss that has taken us thousands of miles emotionally and geographically. Six years

ago, we were becoming firmly committed in the Anglican church (ACNA) while at the

same time, Carl's employer was becoming firmly committed to a direction of greater

exclusivity and was systematically and effectively removing all professors who did not

have tenure, namely the individuals who had been hired to help move the university toward a
broader, more generous trajectory theologically, while maintaining faithful Christian orthodoxy.

There had been a severe backlash against this movement toward a more hospitable and

gracious ethos, and all the professors who had been hired since 2007 were on the chopping

block. The ax had begun to fall a couple of years before with the removal of a Canadian

professor over his careful and credible scholarship. The workplace had become hostile, and

the security of ten families was at stake, along with the integrity and reputation of the

university among students. A concerted takeover by, in particular, conservative Southern

Baptists was accomplished. We lost economic security, our home, our friends, as
colleagues scattered across the country seeking new places of employment, and in effect,
Carl's career path.

We spent a year and a half in a temporary situation, with part of that time going through the

illness and death of Carl's mother in Maine. When he finally was able to get a new position

and we moved to Savannah, GA, it soon became apparent that his new employer was

going to be equally hostile, just in a different way. After four years serving students in that

institution, Carl's position was eliminated without warning, and we immediately had to sell

our home again. That was nine months ago. Since then, we have been traveling back and

forth across the country, being housed by our children. The search for new employment

has so far been unsuccessful. 

This situation has taken its toll over the past nine months, particularly since it is round two

of what has become our new normal. There is a continued feeling of victimization because

what has befallen us has resulted in economic and geographic instability. No stable income,

no home, no clear plan for life. We have become "poor," stripped of the accoutrements of a
successful life. No more tangible inheritance, no pleasant place. We have been stripped,

emptied, not only of our past with its position, material possessions, even our dog, but

also of the future we envisioned. But... we do have a high priest who is able to sympathize,

having tasted every human condition--

...a root out of dry ground…

...man of sorrows and acquainted with grief....

...stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted…

...crushed...

They stripped him and put a scarlet robe on him.

...emptied himself by taking the form of a servant…

...being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point

of death…

Yesterday, I sat in worship surrounded by the smell of incense, the sound of singing, the
readings...the readings. The Psalm for the day was 16. I nearly choked on tears when

verse 6 was read--”The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a

beautiful inheritance.” So many times in the past several months I have wondered if my

boundary lines will ever again be in a pleasant place. My heart knows what that means,

what that looks like, feels like. It is a deep longing that I have surrendered to God during

this time of desert wandering. And here it was in my face, at first a taunt. Then this buried understanding, a core knowledge bloomed inside me. Love Loving, the Divine Presence,

the Holy Trinity, God Himself is my pleasant place, my beautiful inheritance. My soul was

awash with gratitude, with peace.

Some people might say that I manipulate my perspective or trick myself into thinking

about life's circumstances in a way that makes me feel better, and I could never prove

otherwise, but I know in my deepest self that God is at work in all of life and in my life. I

know that I hear God speak. This is not so outrageous a thought, for even Jesus said,

"My sheep hear my voice..." I do believe that hearing God's voice requires being tuned

in to a certain frequency. I don't know how to explain that or to help people access it,

but I do believe that God is present and speaking to anyone who is listening for his voice

or watching for his hand. I think this has a lot to do with Jesus' admonition to be awake,

be alert. Though God's love is everywhere manifest and available to all, the Divine

Presence doesn't seem to invade without invitation, without a heart that desires to be

touched. This idea might seem excessively subjective, but I believe cultivation of an

intimate connection with Divinity, an abiding in the Trinitarian flow of Love, a

relationship of communion, of oneness, is possible. This notion is validated and

supported by Church fathers and mothers throughout the centuries. Saint Patrick,

Saint Teresa of Avila, Julian of Norwich, St. Ignatius of Loyola, Thomas Merton,

among many others, would attest to the reality of union with God in Jesus Christ

through the power of the Holy Spirit. The Westminster Catechism answers the question

of the chief end of man with the response, “to glorify God and enjoy him forever.” I’m

not casting aspersions on that significant document, but I believe a more accurate

answer to the question is to know God’s love and return it. When I am abiding in Love, I
hear the voice of the Lover. I know the comfort, the guidance, the joy of the One who cares
for my soul. It doesn’t mean I won’t grieve loss or struggle with injustice or suffer pain. These
things are part of the human condition, a human condition that the Divine entered with the
incarnation of Jesus. It doesn’t mean that I automatically know what job to take, what house
to live in, what to fix for dinner. It means something much more profound. It means that no
matter what my particular situation is, it can be well with my soul. It can be well with my soul
if I know that I am held in the arms of One who walked this path of suffering alone and walks
it now with me. 

Will I ever have a piece of property, a home to live in that matches my idea of a “pleasant
place”? I don’t know. “Son of man, can these bones live?...Sovereign Lord, you alone
know.” It is in God’s hands. Can I have a heart home, a “pleasant place” for my soul to
dwell? Oh, yes. That is enough. 

Morning in South Carolina

Morning in South Carolina, strangely unfamiliar,
Water glistening on leaves, skin slick with sweat.
Heavy smells in the air, dank and claustrophobic,
Old world beauty, canopied,
Verdant, lush, enveloping, closing me in.

Sarah's Folly

How often do we choose to meet our needs and desires through illegitimate means? I'm thinking of the story of Abraham and Sarah in the book of Genesis in the Jewish scriptures (Gen. 16). It is a helpful metaphor, I believe. Sarah and Abraham had been promised a son, but many years, even decades, had passed without a pregnancy. Sarah's desires and legitimate need of having a child to satisfy her longings and avoid disgrace remained unmet. In her frustration and even agony, Sara decided to give her maid to Abraham that she might have a son via a surrogate. In other words, Sarah wanted to help God fulfill his promise by coming up with her own plan. Abraham obliged her scheme, and Ishmael was born. However, God made it clear that He had another plan to be fulfilled through a son birthed by Sarah years later.

Decades ago, God used this story in my life, bringing it to my mind in a very clear way when I was contemplating taking matters into my own hands to fulfill what I believed was a call of God upon my life. It was almost as though an audible voice broke into my psyche reminding me to wait. For me, that waiting was another eight years. There were many times during that long interim that I despaired of ever seeing the fulfillment of that calling, but I could not deny the clear admonition to stay clear of manipulation. I can look back in confidence believing that what happened with regard to that situation was divinely ordained, albeit filled with challenges, and it has remained a lesson for me for my response to other things. I don't know what would have happened if I had not listened to that voice in my head, if I had manufactured a solution on my own, but I do know that what did eventually happen would have been lost. Only God knows what the ultimate consequences would have been had I moved forward on my own. 

I do know some of the pain and loss that occurred as a result of Sarah's management of her situation. As I think about the consequences of Sarah's action in the ancient text, I am acutely aware of the trauma and pain to multitudes of people that it caused. At the micro level, Hagar and Ishmael, not to mention Abraham, suffered intense loss and hardship as a result; at the macro level, alienation between whole people groups developed that continue to this day, all a result of one desperate decision. It's a story worth mulling over when faced with situations of angst, of interminable waiting, of seeming helplessness. The temptation is to forge ahead with whatever would appear to meet the need, provide an answer, or furnish relief. It's also easy to rationalize that kind of response to desperation. It can make so much sense. Unfortunately, when in that type of situation, decisions based on pain response are many times detrimental or even disastrous in the long run, and they pull us out of faithful dependence on the presence and love of God. Many times the consequences are far reaching. I don't doubt that this is a ubiquitous temptation that when indulged causes great suffering and robs us of the joy of seeing God ultimately work beauty in our lives.

Are we willing to wait for "Isaac"? Where are the places in our lives that we are seeking to speed things along, to answer our own prayers, to take matters into our own hands regardless of the consequences? God give us patient endurance to faithfully wait for his promise.

Stripped

http://www.dbonhoeffer.org/who-was-db2.htm

Weeping Heart

    Heart torn                  Two coasts
Gut wrench                   Slow bleed
    Of my                     Weeping heart
Always                        Something to grieve

Emotions unzipped      Thoughts perplexed
      Darlings misunderstand
               Voyage to the desert
Feel abandoned      Discarded by me

  Caught in the middle
                          Ripped in two
Forever my fate       Repercussion of love